Dear Former Lost Never Had the Love,

Why do I falter?
Why do I run?
Why do I lie to myself?

I'm still tired of running. Tired of fullfilling, tired of seeking, tired of being.
The rush and excitement of freedom is dwindling, I feel drawn back towards the chains because they were predictable.
I'm tired already of having to kick my own ass.
I need more discipline,
I need more action.
I need more support,
a lot more reaction.

I wonder where I'l be, and wonder what I'll do. I can't think about just me because me doesn't exist without a 'you'.

Me doesn't exist without a you.
I don't exist without a you.

What have I done?
How did I get here?
Is it true?

All the platitudes, all the shock, all the reactions. They don't help. I don't help. Nothing helps.
I'm touching down on different ground this time. It's firmer than it's ever been and I don't know if I can find another to hold my hand and walk together. Is it my mind? Is it my heart? Am I too weak? Too strong? What's wrong with me?

What's the pattern? Where's the game?

What's right?

I've been searching for life under rocks and stones.

I should be looking instead for what's washed up on shore and survived the sea.

It's a merman, a shipwrecked sailor, a castaway, adrift.

No. It's me first.

Merman second.